18-year-old purchases laptop with own money, mom berates her for not consulting her first: 'I did my research on it'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Sep 12, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

The ways in which it is necessary or appropriate to parent change drastically depending on the age of a child, and this is something that many parents struggle with grasping. A teenager is going to require a completely different type of support than a five-year-old, for example. 

Unfortunately, it is quite common for moms and dads to struggle with the loss of control that inevitably comes with kids becoming older and more independent. The truth is, it is impossible to learn how to be a functional adult with a parental figure hovering over everything at all times. 

As a result, the teenage years are a vital time to allow some level of independent decision-making, especially as they move into young adulthood. There is most likely going to be pushback if this is not seen as suitable, or it prompts a negative reaction for reasons that do not seem to be justified.

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  • Is it a crime that I bought a laptop without consulting my family?

    young woman sitting in her bedroom, wearing headphones and using a laptop
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • In this story, a young adult struggled with this after her mom berated her for buying a laptop without consulting her first. The 18-year-old had used her own money to buy a computer for schoolwork and to pursue her hobbies. 

    When she told her mom about her purchase, she got angry and insisted that she should have consulted her or her older sister before making it. The teen thought that this was an unreasonable reaction now that she was entering adulthood and making her own decisions, but she wanted further validation for her point of view.

  • I honestly need some validation. I'm 18f. I've been wanting a laptop for a while. Like, MONTHS. I need it for schoolwork, first and foremost. I also want it for music production and gaming, two hobbies important to me.
    via MoonyDropps
  • young woman sitting in her bedroom, smiling as she takes notes from her laptop
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • So, I ordered a decently priced laptop with enough gigabytes and a warranty. Oh, and a case for it, too. I did my research on it, and made sure I could afford it. Now, since my mom used one of my insecurities against me during a breakdown I had, I stopped telling her much about me. My dumba decided to tell her about the laptop. She immediately got upset.
    via MoonyDropps
  • "Why don't you discuss things with me or your older sister?! Why did you just go and buy a laptop?! Does it even have enough space??" It seemed so ridiculous. She always talks about me being independent, and not spending all my money on snacks. Now that I do something that benefits me, she's upset I didn't consult her?!
    via MoonyDropps
  • I thought adulthood was trusting in your own decisions. She doesn't consult her mom or older relatives whenever she buys sh. Am I in the wrong for not telling my mom?
    via MoonyDropps
  • closeup of laptop keyboard on white background
    via Vandan Patel

  • People agreed that the mom didn't have a right to be upset.

    sihasihasi Of course not. You did your research and got what suited you. I'd ask her to give some suggestions on what she feels would be "good". Like, for instance how much "space" is enough? What sort of drive would be best (SSD/NVMe), how much RAM, what CPU, etc. etc.
    via sihasihasi
  • When she's stumped, then you say, "so how do you think asking you would've helped?" You've spent your money on something for yourself, it's nobody's business but yours.
    via sihasihasi
  • Hydrolt Probably shouldn't have told her. Her job is to prepare you for the outside world, she seems to want you to be dependent of her still but your instinct to seek independence is perfectly valid at that age. Keep going with that instinct, you've got a whole life of decisions to make, and you only answer to yourself :)
    via Hydrolt
  • Aurora3112 OP, your mother wants to control you, plain and simple. You do not need a family meeting to discuss what YOU buy with your OWN money. I recommend keeping your mother on an information diet and not telling her what you buy or do. Especially, reading about how she used your insecurities against you OP. That's a very manipulative and spiteful thing to do to someone, never mind doing it to your own child!.
    via Aurora3112
  • Educational_Offer_74 You haven't done anything wrong here. If it's your money it's up to you. As long as you can afford it there shouldn't be a problem. Only possible exception to ask someone else about something like this is if they are particularly knowledgeable. And that would only be to help you get a good deal. Would still be your choice though.
    via Educational_Offer_74
  • 2_old_for_this_spit You bought a laptop for yourself with your own money. You don't need permission or input. Do yourself a favor and put a password on it so nobody can get into it without your permission.
    via 2_old_for_this_spit
  • TamReklaw Not at all sounds like you been very considered (plus if down the line needs change there's a option called external storage), although now that you've piqued my interest, I have to ask how much space does it have?
    via TamReklaw
  • WinterSparklers My daughter is 16, when she turns 18, if she tells me she bought a laptop my response is "Ooh what did you get? You like it?"
    via WinterSparklers
  • CosmosOZ NTA Your mom just being dumb at the moment. Just tried to ignore her.
    via CosmosOZ
  • Rare_Sugar_7927 No, but whatever you do, it will never be right. You will never win with these kind of people, so stop playing their game.
    via Rare_Sugar_7927
  • Mr_Gaslight 'Why don't you discuss things with me or your older sister?' Because you're a maniac. This is your money, and right or wrong, you're spending it your way.
    via Mr_Gaslight
  • Garden_gnome 1609 You're an adult. What you buy with your own money is none of her business.
    via Garden_gnome1609
  • cookiemom6067 God no you're not wrong at all
    via cookiemom6067
  • Joshicus Didn't need to tell her. She's still getting used to treating you like an adult, definitely not an excuse on her part. Though it may help you understand that in the same way you're getting used to being an adult she's getting used to parenting you as an adult.
    via Joshicus
  • Toro8926 If it's your money, I don't see what the issue is. Plus you actually looked into it before buying which is more than many do.
    via Toro8926
  • Svennis79 NTA unless your mum physically builds computers, or is deeply in the tech hardware space for work. General knowledge on hardware is usually outdated after a couple of years, so mostly invalid without fresh research to see what the latest is.
    via Svennis79

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